


Gotta Eat The Booty Like Groceries

by AuntGinger27



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/F, Halloween, I'm not even sorry for that title, M/M, No bi-polar disorder, POV Alternating, Party, Rimming, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-26 22:19:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5022700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuntGinger27/pseuds/AuntGinger27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a post I saw on Tumblr: my boyfriend was telling me about the time he drunkenly ate some guys ass when he was at a party before we started dating, and i said "thats weird, i got my ass ate at a party and i cant remember who the guy was" turns out we went to the same party, and he was the dude that ate my ass. my boyfriend ate my ass 2 years before we started dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gotta Eat The Booty Like Groceries

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Death_by_Gallavich](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Death_by_Gallavich/gifts).



> Title comes from the song _Post To Be_ by Omarion, in case you were wondering ;)

"Happy Halloween!" Mandy squealed when she opened the front door of the Milkovich home.

"Happy Halloween," Ian greeted as his best friend locked up. "You look great Mandy."

"What is that look called?" Lip asked as he lit up a cigarette. "Pirate wench?"

Mandy smirked and stole Lip's cigarette. "You like?" She asked as she kicked a thigh high boot out and swished her skirt to the side to reveal her black and red garter belt.

"Okay but what about my costume?" Ian asked. He held his purple suit jacket open.

"I knew you would make an awesome Joker Ian," Mandy said as she nodded her approval. He had the purple suit on they found at the Goodwill, his face was painted white, he even had the Glasgow smile painted on.

"Oh but one more thing," she said, pulling a can of green hair spray paint out of her purse. She motioned for Ian to duck his head as she generously sprayed his hair green. "Perfect."

"What are you supposed to be Lip?" Mandy asked as they started walking down the street towards the L, Mandy in the middle of the two men. It was night time, Halloween, and they were in the Southside. They weren't taking a chance, not with the way Mandy was dressed.

"Douchebag," Ian coughed. He and Mandy both started laughing.

Lip rolled his eyes and lit up another cigarette. 

"He doesn't want Karen to think he's a loser. That's why he didn't dress up," Ian explained.

"Karen Jackson?" Mandy asked with a weird look on her face. 

"Yeah," Lip said.

Mandy nodded and winked. "Well good luck with that."

Lip looked at her devious grin questioningly but didn't say anything.

Mandy slung an arm around Ian. "I am so glad you came tonight. This could be our last Halloween party together before we go to college."

Ian laughed. "We're going to the same community college next year Mandy."

"I know but still," Mandy said. "Oooh and you'll finally get to meet my brother Mickey. He's on fall break from college and he's totally coming out of the closet as we speak, since Terry died. He doesn't know that I know. I mean, he still hasn't admitted that he's gay, but I'll let him tell me when the time is right."

Ian smiled shyly and changed the subject. "How is your mom?"

"She's good. Finally decided to get back on the horse, or should I say dick," Mandy giggled. "She's got a date with Kermit. So fucking weird. She probably won't even be in tonight. So we have all night to party!"

 

~*~

 

"Ima kill her," Mickey muttered to himself. He was sitting on some goofy Northside rich kid's bed. Mandy begged him to come to this ridiculous party and she wasn't even there yet.

Mickey took another swig from the bottle of whiskey he jacked from the liquor cabinet. He looked at the picture on the bedside table of the guy who was throwing the party. It was a picture of him standing with a bunch of volunteers outside of a run down building. Casper Duncan. 

"What a douche," Mickey muttered and started to roll a joint up. He lit it and took a deep drag before standing and looking in the mirror again.

Mickey just shook his head, his sister's annoying voice playing in his mind.

_You'll make such a good vampire Mickey! Oh my god you totally look like the dude from Twilight! Please go to the party with me!_

Mickey fiddled with the tight collar of his black leather jacket, his eyes wandered up to his hair. Blonde hair that was supposed to be temporarily dyed by his wannabe future cosmetologist sister.

It'll wash out she said. You don't look that bad as a blonde, she said. 

Well, umpteenth washes later, Mickey was still blonde.

"Oh yeah," Mickey muttered again. "Ima kill her."

 

~*~

 

"Whose party is this anyways?" Mandy asked a little while later when they got off the L. They were on the Northside and she didn't know anyone from the area. Nothing but townhouses and fancy cars everywhere.

"Casper Duncan," Lip said. "Some rich kid I scammed last year so we could pay our property taxes."

"And he invited you to his party?" Mandy asked in disbelief.

Lip nodded and rang the doorbell. "He thinks it's cool knowing people from the Southside."

They all three rolled their eyes then smiled brightly when the door swung open. Free booze.

Casper stood in the doorway wearing a Hugh Heffner robe, cigar in one hand, wine cooler in the other. His eyes lit up when he saw it was Lip at the door.

"Dude you actually came. Awesome! You guys come in!" Casper said with excitement, ushering the three of them inside. The place was packed with drunk teenagers and the music was booming. The girls were mostly dressed as some slutty version of an animal and the guys were mostly dressed like celebrities from what Ian could tell.

Casper was still rambling as they closed the door behind them. "These are my friends everybody," he slurred to anyone that listened. "They're from the _Southside_!"

Ian and Mandy purposefully hung back and let Lip get sucked into the crowd. The two friends went the opposite direction and made themselves a drink. 

"There she is," Mandy sighed after she and Ian downed their second Jager bombs. She nodded towards the other side of the living room where a blonde girl was sneaking glances in their direction. She was dressed as an angel? Ian assumed from the halo sitting above her blonde locks and angel wings on her back. The rest of her costume was anything but angelic. She had on a white mini skirt and corset, white fishnets and white high heels.

"Karen Jackson?" Ian hissed when he finally realized who she was. "That's who you were supposed to meet here tonight?"

Mandy winked at her best friend. She took a shot from a redhead girl that was dressed as a sexy devil passing out jello shots. 

"I'm going to wife her up Ian," Mandy said with a laugh before making her way over to Karen.

Ian shrugged and downed a shot himself. Too bad Lip, he thought to himself.

 

~*~

 

Mickey was fucked up. Not puking his guts fucked up, but still pretty fucked up. He finished his half pint of whiskey and had grown bored snooping this Casper guy's room. Mickey had hoped to maybe find a guy to hook up with and then go home. This was the straightest party ever from what he could tell, then again he had been hiding in the bedroom for over an hour. Just when Mickey was about to go back out to the party and find his sister, the door swung open and a guy dressed in a Joker costume stumbled into the room.

"Whoa I totally thought this was the bathroom," Ian mumbled, closing the door behind him. He looked up and saw a blonde guy leaning back on his elbows on the bed staring at him. Hot blonde guy. He had the most piercing blue eyes Ian had ever seen. He looked short, just like Ian liked and looked like he probably had a little bit of a bad ass attitude, judging by the scowl he was giving Ian.

"Yeah, well it's not, so fuck off," Mickey said, trying to sound intimidating and secretly trying to check the guy out. He was tall, just the way Mickey liked, and looked pretty built underneath that purple ass suit he was wearing. The guy smiled at him, and fuck if he didn't really look like the Joker. Mickey didn't know if he was creeped out or turned on.

"Holy shit!" Ian said, unperturbed, stepping forward and looking at the guy in the dim candlelight (It helped Mickey's Feng Shui okay?). "You look just like the guy from Twilight!"

The Joker, Mickey decided to call him since he didn't know the dude's name, rambled on and on about this movie. Did he know that Kristen Stewart wasn't Stephenie Myers pick to play Bella? And did he know that the girl she wanted to play Bella made an appearance in her other movie The Host? And did he know that Stephenie Myers herself made an appearance in Breaking Dawn?

Mickey had a fascinated smile on his face just listening to the guy ramble. He couldn't help but to notice how comfortable he felt just in the five minutes he met this guy. _I could see myself with someone like him._

Until.

"You're so beautiful," Ian blurted all of a sudden. Even though the guy had all that white vampire makeup on, and Ian was kinda, okay, really drunk, he still felt the attraction to this guy. Even though Ian was doing most of the talking, he still felt like he was talking to an old friend. The way the guy was gazing up at him with those fucking gorgeous eyes, and laughing graciously at Ian's bad puns, Jesus, Ian was smitten as a kitten.

_I could see myself with someone like him._

"Eat my ass man," Mickey sighed, about to get up from the bed, because beautiful? Really?

Ian scrambled, trying to think of something to rectify the situation. So he said the first thing that came to mind. 

"I would if you let me."

Heat shot straight to the pit of Mickey's stomach, coiling white hot with want and need, because fuck if this guy wasn't sexy and Mickey needed to get laid if he was being honest. He paused on the bed and looked up at the Joker. A salacious grin spread across the guy's face that was borderline creepy and sexy at the same time.

"Yeah?" Mickey asked, slightly embarrassed at how breathlessly it came out.

"Yeah," Ian whispered, stepping up to the end of the bed. He got down on his knees between the blonde's legs and slowly ran his hands up and down his leather clad thighs. Ian smirked when he felt him shudder just from his hands.

 _Wait until I get this tongue on you,_ Ian thought to himself as he slid his hands up to unbutton the guy's pants. 

The Joker leaned in so close. For a moment Mickey was sure the guy was going to kiss him. He felt a twinge of disappointment when he didn't. It quickly went away when the guy whispered huskily in his ear "Turn over."

Mickey could feel his cock already starting to swell as he turned face down on the bed. He was so hot for this guy it was unreal. He bit back a moan when he felt the guy push his pants beneath his ass.

"Oh my god," Ian groaned, running his hands over the most perfect pale ass he had ever seen. He splayed his fingers out, gripping and squeezing both plump cheeks. Ian's mouth watered just looking at that ass. He wanted to mark it up and claim it for himself, let everyone know it belonged to Ian Gallagher. He wanted to make this guy feel so good, fucking ruin him with his tongue and make him never want anyone else.

"Come on man," Mickey huffed. This guy was driving him crazy in the best way with those burning hot hands of his.

Ian smiled to himself and spread those perfect cheeks apart. "Fuck," Ian groaned, because not only did this guy have a perfect ass, he had the most perfect rim too. Ian ran a dry finger straight down his crack, just barely grazing the pretty pink hole waiting for him.

Ian leaned forward and softly bit the left then right cheek. He could smell the fresh scent of body wash and could feel how silky smooth and hairless the guy's ass was.

What a perfect bottom, literally. This guy took care of himself and had that ass nice and pretty. It's like he knew Ian would be there, waiting to eat it for him. Ian could already tell what a needy, bossy bottom he was was too. He was squirming above Ian and trying to push his ass towards Ian's mouth as he continued to tease and nip at him.

Ian kept squeezing his ass and spreading it apart, watching that pretty hole wink at him every time. He leaned down and peppered open mouth kisses all over the pale globes and nosed up and down his crack, just to draw those beautiful noises out of him Ian knew he was trying holding back.

"Come on. Let it out," Ian whispered, kissing both cheeks softly. "I wanna hear you."

Ian just barely ran his tongue teasingly up the inner cheek of the left then right, letting his breath puff hotly over that needy hole, but never putting his tongue to it.

Mickey couldn't help the desperate whimpers that escaped from his mouth. He was rutting against the silky comforter beneath him, probably spreading precum all over it, but Mickey didn't even care. It wasn't his bed.

" _Come on_ ," Mickey gritted out impatiently, still trying to wiggle towards that sinful tongue.

Ian pulled back and grinned to himself, spreading his guy wide apart. He let his breath blow against the sensitive flesh. He flattened his warm, wet tongue and finally ran it slowly and firmly straight up his crack.

"Oh my fucking god," Mickey moaned as the guy started to lap feverishly at his tight, sensitive rim. That just seemed to spur him on because he did this _thing_ with his tongue that made Mickey's eyes cross and his toes curl in his shoes. 

Ian alternated between fat, dripping wet licks and feather soft swirls around that tasty rim. He closed his mouth directly over it and began sucking and trying to work the tip of his tongue inside. He finally realized it would be easier if he had his pants completely off.

Ian pulled back, eliciting a sharp objective whine from the blonde. He placed a sweet kiss to his rump as a promise that he most certainly wasn't done yet. "Take these off," Ian commanded softly, already pulling the restrictive material down.

Mickey kicked his shoes off and shimmied out of his pants and boxers. He layed back down on his stomach on the bed and sighed when he felt those big hands burning their way up his inner thighs, spreading his legs wide apart. 

Ian got back in his position and kissed and sucked his way up those thick pale thighs. He couldn't help but to note that the guy had really nice legs too. Ian pulled at his hips to get him up on his knees a little. Ian leaned down to mouth and suckle at his balls, making the blonde's knees shake, and the sexiest moans and whimpers fill the room. He ran his tongue back up and laved at his hole, making it sopping wet before working a finger and his tongue deep inside.

That is precisely when Mickey became a sobbing mess. This guy had the longest, most perfect fingers, and it was hitting that spot deep inside of him with perfect rubbing jabs. 

Mickey's mind was a jumbled mess of: _So good. So fucking good. I want you. You're mine now. Fuck. I want you so bad,_ as he rocked back, fucking himself on that perfect tongue and finger. He hadn't even realized he was moaning those words out loud.

Ian felt his heart fluttering from those words. He pulled his finger out so he could kiss and suck on that perfect rim. "I. Want. You. Too," Ian whispered between kisses.

Mickey's knees practically buckled at that. He wrapped a hand around his leaking cock just as a finger slipped back inside of him. He stroked himself at the same time as that perfect tongue and finger.

Ian groaned against the flesh, getting even more turned on watching his guy stroke himself. Ian didn't even bother unbuttoning his own slacks, just simply slid his hand inside and began stroking himself as he continued to work his guy with his tongue and finger. 

Mickey could tell his guy was getting off on eating him out. He couldn't help but to wonder how good the D was if the mouth was this phenomenal.

_I know he's got a big dick. I just know he does._

Just thinking about it sent a wave of want rushing south and making his orgasm build even quicker.

"I'm gonna fucking cum," Mickey whimpered. 

Ian pumped them both faster. "Do it. Cum for me," he moaned against his flesh.

Mickey shuddered and stroked his cock once more before spilling onto the sheets beneath him. He felt his guy moan deeply, straight into his ass shortly after as he shuddered through his own orgasm. 

Ian slid his finger out of that perfect ass and the blonde collapsed face down onto the bed. They were both breathing heavily, and shuddering slightly. Ian's hand was covered in jizz and his face was dripping with saliva. Ian leaned down and placed one more lingering kiss to that perfect, eaten up hole. He carefully slid his hand out of his pants before standing up.

"Don't leave. I'll be right back," Ian promised breathlessly before slipping out of the bedroom so he could wash his hands.

Mickey could only nod weakly. Like hell he was going to leave, not after that guy practically made a meal out of his ass. He still hadn't even gotten the guy's name. Mickey did, however, put his pants and shoes back on. 

It was a good thing too because just as Mickey finished buttoning his pants, he heard the music die and a loud woman's voice screaming.

"Who the fuck are all these people? Casper Duncan you are grounded for life! I want you all out of my house! I'm calling the police!"

"Son of a bitch!" Mickey said before scrambling out of the door to find his sister. He did not need to get caught with a bunch of underage drinkers. His ass would be arrested and he would lose his scholarship for sure. He definitely didn't need Mandy getting into trouble either. His mom would kill him and that seemed worse than losing his scholarship.

 

~*~

 

"But Lip I can't leave," Ian protested. His brother jerked him up as soon as he came out of the bathroom and was dragging him downstairs to the backdoor.

"Bullshit Ian. I'm not letting you fuck up your future because of some party. You're going to school next year. _Let's go,_ "Lip demanded.

"But there's this guy. He's waiting for me-"

"And you can meet up with him tomorrow. Let's get the fuck out of here," Lip said. They could hear sirens coming down the street already.

Ian's eyes searched around the room desperately one more time. "But I didn't even get his name," Ian said sadly before being pushed completely out of the house.

 

~*~

"Yo, you seen Mandy?" Mickey asked a guy he used to beat up in high school. 

The guy flinched when he realized it was Mickey Milkovich speaking to him. "Upstairs bedroom," he squeaked before running the opposite direction.

Mickey ran down the hall to the other bedroom and pounded on the door. "Yo, Mands! We gotta get the fuck out of here."

"Oooh oooh. I'm coming! I'm coming!"

The fuck? If some dude was taking advantage of his sister, Mickey was about to whoop that ass. He burst through the bedroom door and immediately regretted it. The sight he was met with would most definitely leave him scarred for life.

The sight being Karen Jackson spread eagle on the bed with his sister's face buried in between her legs. 

Mickey turned his back. "Mother fuck Mandy! Jesus I didn't wanna see that shit."

Mandy turned around too annoyed to even care that the guys running past the room were trying to get a quick peek. She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. 

"What the fuck do you want Mickey? Jesus!"

"They called the po po hoe. Let's go!"

That's all Mandy and Karen needed to hear. They were both scrambling, Karen sans panties, and Mandy sans shoes. Oh well. They ran and followed Mickey as he led them to a safe way out of the house. Everyone else was running straight into the line of fire. But being Milkovich's, they knew how to run from the police.

Mickey let his sister and Karen out the back window before climbing out himself. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness as his eyes searched the house one last time for green hair and a purple suit.

_I didn't even get his name._

 

~*~

 

_Three years later..._

 

"Mario kart!"

"Twenty four seven bitches!" Two female voices sang as they entered Ian's apartment.

Ian smiled from the kitchen where he was finishing up the last of the dishes. It was fall break and that meant Mandy and her girlfriend Karen would be staying a while.

Ian made his way into the living room where Mandy and Karen were already making themselves at home. Mandy was hooking up the Wii and Karen was sitting out the boxes of pizza. Ian gave them both a kiss on the cheek before plopping down on mega couch. He and Mickey called it mega couch because they literally had two long ass sofa bed couches side by side in the shape of a disconnected V. They had to have the extra places to sleep with all their family that liked to stay over.

He and Mickey had been dating for a little over a year. Mandy had introduced them two years ago when Mickey came back into town from college on summer break. It was then that Mickey officially came out of the closet. He and Ian talked off and on, and went on dates a couple of months before finally deciding that they couldn't live without the other. They were inseparable ever since and had been an official couple for a little over a year.

"I know you two slores saw my ass lugging this heavy ass alcohol up the fucking stairs," Mickey huffed as he entered his apartment shortly after Mandy and Karen. 

Mandy just flipped her now blonde hair and finished hooking the game system up. She swore she didn't dye it to match her girlfriend's. The jury was still out on that one.

Karen was putting her girlfriend's pizza onto a plate and picking the olives off, because she knew that Mandy liked the flavor of black olives but she didn't like the texture of them.

"You looked like you had it covered Mickey," Karen said with a wink.

Ian laughed and went over to help his boyfriend carry the cases of beer and bottles of liquor inside. 

"At least one person loves me," Mickey mumbled.

"I do love you," Ian murmured before leaning down and kissing the frown straight off of his boyfriend's face.

"I love you too," Mickey said and rocked up on his toes to meet Ian's lips again.

Mickey brought them all a beer and sat with his boyfriend on the couch opposite of Mandy and Karen. Mandy tossed them both a controller and they all began eating and playing their game.

"Nobody is having a good Halloween party this year. We should just throw one," Karen said. Her girlfriend nodded her agreement, eyes glued to the screen.

Ian laughed as a memory popped into his head. Mickey crossed the finish line first, much to the girls dismay, and looked over at his boyfriend.

"What's so funny?" Mickey asked.

Ian finished last place and sat his controller down while Mandy picked the next track.

"Nothing, I just was thinking about the time I was wasted and ate this guy's ass out at a Halloween party. I was so into this guy too and I never even got his name."

"Oh really?" Mickey huffed, stuffing his mouth full of pizza and frowning at his boyfriend.

"You never told me about that you whore!" Mandy teased and tossed a pillow at Ian's head.

Ian caught it and laughed. He caressed his jealous boyfriend's thigh softly. "It was before we even met babe. I was so broken hearted, I never saw the guy again. He had the juiciest booty ever-"

Mickey cleared his throat loudly and looked like he was about to choke Ian.

Ian smiled and plopped a wet kiss on his cheek. "You didn't let me finish. He had the juiciest booty until I got a piece of yours."

Mickey rolled his eyes. "You're so lame Gallagher."

And then he started thinking and paused the game Mandy had just started.

"What the fuck Mickey?!" Mandy and Karen objected. They were hardcore gamers.

"I just thought of something," Mickey said as he had an epiphany. "So fucking weird. I had my ass ate at a Halloween party three years ago when I came back home for fall break. I had red lipstick and white make up all in my ass crack the next day."

Ian's mouth hung open in shock, half chewed pizza all on display in a way that only Mickey could find endearing. 

Ian finally chewed up his pizza and swallowed it with a swig of beer. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious," Mickey said, holding his fingers up in a scouts honor promise. "I freaked the next day thinking I might have been too wasted and a girl ate my ass, from all that red lipstick on my ass cheeks. But then I thought, there's no way a girl could eat ass like that guy. He was amazing."

Mandy and Karen just looked at each other and winked. Karen stole a quick kiss and made a kitten growl. Ian and Mickey didn't miss the innuendo. 

"Gross," Mickey muttered, getting a mental picture he didn't want. "Anyway, for the longest time I never thought I would find a guy that gave rim jobs like him," Mickey said with a sneaky grin at his boyfriend's jealous face.

"It's true Ian," Mandy piped in with a giggle. "I got Mickey drunk one night after he finally came out. He kept going on and on about how he would never find a guy who ate ass like him. He never did tell me who it was or where it happened."

"Oh really?" Ian said, flexing his neck and cracking his knuckles angrily. "What was his name again?" He was ready to go beat somebody's ass.

"I have no idea. I never got his name," Mickey said.

"So whose party did you two go to?" Karen asked.

"Casper Duncan," Mickey and Ian replied in unison. They looked at each other with their mouths hanging open as realization finally started to sink in.

"Wait. What were you dressed as?" Mickey asked, just to make sure.

"The Joker," Ian replied. "You?"

"One of the vampires from from Twilight. Bitchface fucked my hair up and accidentally dyed it blonde. Took me forever to get my hair back to normal."

"Holy shit. It was you," Ian said in amazement. They both just sat looking stupid with their jaws hanging open. 

Ian finally spoke. "So wait, were you more attracted to me then or now? Because it seems like you were really hung up on him."

Mickey looked incredulously at his ginger idiot. "It was you either way Ian. What the fuck?"

Ian shrugged. "Yeah but you didn't _know_ it was me. Who do you think was better in bed?"

Mickey looked at his sister and Karen, pointing at his man like: Can you believe this shit? Someone had to bear witness to the shit show he fell in love with. Mandy and Karen simply switched to two players and selected rainbow road. 

"Babe?"

"Oh my god, shut up Ian," Mickey groaned and kissed his doofus before standing. He needed some hard liquor to deal with this ridiculousness. Only his boyfriend would be jealous of his own damn self.

Ian was hot on Mickey's heels. "Was I better then or now? Babe? Hey babe? Baaabe?"

Mandy just shook her head as Karen's Princess Peach slipped on a banana peel. "And they say soulmates don't exist."


End file.
